A Lie I Told Myself..

A lie I told myself, that’s an easy one. Told myself I’d be okay and that eventually I would see the sun. That’s what has to stay in mind; no matter how low long the tunnel is, remember there is always light at the end. Takes a while to truly understand what I mane by that, you want won’t get it when you begin. It’s difficult to believe in yourself when you really aren’t sure things will be okay, I’ll try to explain that to others and “fake it til you make it” is all they have to say. I hate that expression man, fakest thing I’ve heard. Honestly I can’t even explain my hatred for that expression in words.

How you fake it til you make it, how you fake confidence in the world today? How you have so much pride and that much confidence but still have nothing important in your life you can contain. See what exactly are you faking, is it the confidence in the situation? Or is it the level of completion to the expectations? Not meeting expectations causes depression, it’s a real issue and man I’ve being through some things. I’ve learned that sometimes it takes the hardest storms to realize what the sun brings.

I hate lying to myself saying I’ll be alright with everything cause I’m not sure I will be. I’ve recently made tough decisions and I’m hoping that don’t kill me. So many things I was thought that are completely wrong, so many things I’ve learned thorough listening to songs. I used to not believe that everything happens for a reason. Cole taught me that people change like the seasons. I lost myself and got buried in my own lies. As I stare in the in the mirror I don’t even recognize who I am with my own eyes. Swimming in life’s ocean, trying to keep my head above the waves. Keeping in my mind that Jesus saves. That’s my go to when my head sinks, and I’m having trouble breathing. It all comes back to the main point, and that’s his reason.IMG_0168

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