I’ve been having issues lately, just a lot of stuff in my mind. It’s all getting to me and I’m not sure what to do with my time. I get in these moods where I feel I have nothing, I feel I’m letting family down. But everything changes when my brothers come around. They tell me I’m doing something right, but in my mind I don’t believe that. I’ll just keep writing but it feels like the devil come between that. Like when I get in these moods, I kinda wanna stop writing. Everyone gets down but not everyone keeps fighting. It’s just rough on me cause I don’t do much for my family. I don’t even have a job yet so I can’t help financially.
I just really wanna provide for Emily, my family, and myself. I haven’t lost my faith in God so I’m praying for some help. I have had some things handed to me but I wanna hand things back out. I wanna start working hard so my kids don’t have to know what I think about. I really need to get my stuff to my brothers. I really gotta stop caring about the opinions of others. Most of the time I dont, but I care about how I deal with certain situations. But not being to do much for my family or my girl got me losing my patience. Today’s our One Year Anniversary, and I look back on the year and it’s just me messing up. Dealing with all this just has my self esteem low so I don’t really know if I’ll ever be good enough.
It really is time that I start doing something right. But I find all my joy in Basketball, Emily and when I write. Although, sometimes my body won’t let me do much so I’m stuck with my writing and with Emily. My sword is my writing which is how I fight of the enemy. I’ve really thought about giving up writing but it’s really how my heart is talking. I’ve spent this month trying to figure out which way Emily wants me walking. So I try to walk, but my feet keep tripping me. I see a lot of y’all tripping but imma keep sipping tea. I’ll explain my struggles, and let you know when I’m falling. I’ve kept focused on the bigger picture and listened to Jesus’ calling.