Financially Handicapped..

I probably shouldn’t write this out or actually I probably shouldn’t post this. I’m gonna dig deep in my feelings, and I know I’m super vulnerable when I talk about my emotions. This is where I have to go to empty out the pain. Standing in the mirror and I forget my own name. I’m dealing with the same struggles that show up on the daily. 18 and I still live with my parents at least Khalid doesn’t think it’s crazy. I still don’t have a job, and I feel it’s wearing my family down. It makes me feel bad cause it seems neither of them are proud. Come to think of it, I’m not even proud of myself cause I haven’t did anything. This poetry is an umbrella and everything else is rain.

I’m sorry I’m not helping, I’m sorry I don’t do more momma. I’m sorry I come at you with my stress and all the drama. Another thing kills me is that I found a passion and I don’t even know what to do with it. I’m not even getting anywhere, and I thought I was smooth with it. Like Michael was with criminal. People like to take shots when they see you down so I try to keep my emotions to a minimal. I understand we all have issues, but not everyone likes to talk about them. They bring me down, but I gotta remember it’s hard to grow without ‘em. I’m trying to take life day by day and night by night. A couple of those days, I don’t want anyone near me like they didn’t get an invite.

I like to keep to myself a lot of times, I like to explain my pain through these rhymes, It catches your attention like some broken street signs. That’s what I am, I’m broken on he inside. Try to run, but can’t hide. Now I’m just running up a hill with my shoes untied. If I fall down, I’ll have to start all over. I fell, but before I try again I need to find some closure. I thought I could do more with these writings, but I’m not sure where to go or where to start. I’ve talked about a lot of struggles and most of y’all don’t care about the pain in my heart. I still don’t know what to do, I’m listening to God trying to find some answers. High school basketball isn’t the motive anymore, had to give up the panthers. This is bigger than basketball. I did my best for those 4 years, and now with this poetry I’m giving my all.IMG_0358

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